George Bush vs. Global Warming

Maybe I missed something. But if memory serves me correctly, it wasn’t that long ago that George Bush basically took a dump all over the notion of global warming and the so-called greenhouse effect. Now, Bush has presented a new initiative to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?

Perhaps Bush took the time out to finally watch An Inconvenient Truth, with someone sitting next to him the whole time to explain any of the parts he found confusing. Or maybe, someone sat Bush down and showed him Soylent Green, which for those of you that recall, takes place in a not-too-distant future ravaged by over population and global warming. This is more likely the case, since Charlton “Pry-this-gun-from-my-cold-dead-hands” Heston stars in Soylent Green, and as someone dedicated to insuring the rights of all to pack cold steel, Bush could relate to Chuck.

It is anyone’s guess what the real reasons are for Bush suddenly uttering the words “do something about” in the same sentence as “global warming.” But one thing is certain—as my good friend Paul always says: If it don’t make sense, it must make dollars.

It is too soon to tell, and when all is said and done, Bush’s concern over global warming may be bullshit. But the reality is this, if Bush wants to do something about global warming, I can motherfucking guarantee that there is money driving his decision. Somewhere there is some powerful corporation that is developing some sort of air purification system we will all need to survive, or there is a weather control machine that can combat global warming, or some developer is planning on building a massive biosphere that will not be effected by global warming, or some shit that sounds totally crazy right now, but in less than ten years it will all be part of everyday life. And then, after the introduction of whatever this miracle thing is that can make life more livable, even though much of the planet is burning up, someone will discover that the Bush family has a huge financial stake in the company or the product.

Unfortunately, as the world grows more and more stupid over the coming years—lobotomized by inane news about celebrities with eating disorders—Bush’s sudden embracing of the reality of global warming will be forgotten by a society with a collective memory of about ten minutes. Only a handful of people will even remember the fact that he once dismissed global warming, just like there’s only a handful of people who remember a thing called the Iran-Contra Affair.

But I will remember. And even though I will likely be some crazy old fucker standing on street corner, wallowing in his own feces and begging for change, I will tell the world the truth.   

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