T-Shirt(s) of the Week: WEEK 14

tsotw-button-1.jpgSome people believe you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I believe you can tell more about a person by the t-shirts they have worn. This is the story of my life, as told by the t-shirts I have worn.

WEEK 14: I am a very disorganized person. Most of the time I can’t find my keys or my wallet or my checkbook, because even though I have a designated spot for these things, I seldom place them there. The one exception to the disorganized chaos of my life is my t-shirts.

tsotw-week-14a.jpgI keep my shirts arranged and separated by various categories. First we have the Rotators and the Non-Rotators. The Rotators are the shirts I wear with some semblance of regularity, and the Non-Rotators are those I don’t currently wear, and have in storage. It is possible, as I’ve discovered recently, to have a shirt I have never worn in the Rotator cycle. Once a shirt is in the Rotator cycle, it then gets further categorized by size, color, type and purpose. The first two categories are pretty obvious—all of the white XL shirts go in one drawer, while all the black XXL shirts go in another drawer. From there, things get more complicated (and as a result, reveals how anal retentive I can be about some things). I also categorize shirts by type. That means all of my shirts are also arranged by theme or type—such as bands, movies, superheroes, etc. It means that I keep all of my Batman shirts together and separated from all of my Fishbone shirts. Finally, I arrange shirts by purpose, which breaks down into three distinct categories. First, are the Fashion Statement shirts—those that I wear in public for the entire world to see. Second, are the Work Out/Exercise shirts—those primarily worn while at the gym. Last, and certainly not are the Shit Shirts—those that I wear as undershirts, and are seldom seen by anyone other than myself when I’m looking in the mirror. It is possible for a Fashion Statement or a Work Out to temporarily be used as a Shit Shirt, but never the other way around.


For this installment of T-shirt of the Week, I went through a drawer of white, XL Shit Shirts to see what I would discover, and decided to treat you all with a triple feature. First, we have the Oregon Rose Nationals t-shirt. I don’t know what the fuck the Oregon Rose Nationals are. Based on the design, I think it’s safe to assume that this was some sort of martial arts competition. Keep in mind I never went to theOregon Rose Nationals, whatever it was. In fact, I’m not even sure where I got the shirt, although it seems like one of those freebies that used to show up at my old office. At last count there were about 50 different Shit Shirts, of varying size and color that were freebies. Some, like these, made it into the Rotators selection. Others were donated to charity, and still others have been kept and put into storage for reasons that don’t even make sense to me. I mean come on, am I really ever going to wear the promotional shirt of Tomb Raider II?


Next, we have this Y2K shirt for some guns-n-babes website. I have no idea where I got the shirt (although in the back of my mind it seems like either Mike Culbertson or one of the Smith Brothers gave this one to me), and I have never been to the website. Whoever gave me this shirt clearly thought, “Walker would wear some tacky crap like this.” And I have.


Finally, we have Le Dolls University 69. This one of those rare Shit Shirts that actually has a bit of history. Le Dolls was a strip club in Medford, a medium sized city in southern Oregon that is overflowing with rednecks, teen mothers and meth-heads. I have a few friends in Medford (none of them rednecks, teen mother or meth-heads), and two of them used to work for Les Dolls, which is how I got this shirt (for free). I’ve only been in the club twice, but I did meet a stripper there who had posed for Penthouse. I think we went to a party, but my desire to lay claim to having thrown a hump into a chick who posed for Penthouse was outweighed by the fact that she was a ditzy twit, so I never really put any effort into having sex with her. I guess that means this is my “I went to a strip club in Medford and met a Penthouse model and all I got was blue balls and this lousy shirt” shirt.


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