hardrock.jpgHardrock is the third film from writer-director John Stu. Although I have not seen his earlier work, Ice Grill and Fulgazi, from what I’ve read neither is particularly good. And based on the quality of Hardrock—a film that represents 79-minutes of valuable time completely wasted (not including the time it takes to write this review)—I highly doubt I will ever watch those other movies. And because this film took so much of my time away—time that can never be replaced—I refuse to spend too much time writing the review.

Tommy (James Parris) and Bucky (Tommy Arlotta) are a pair of drug dealers forced by their boss to work together when the daughter of a prominent judge dies of an overdose. It seems that someone messed with a batch of Ecstasy, and the drugs could have only come from either Tommy or Bucky’s supply, so it is up to them to figure out who messed with the drugs and why, or else some sort of bad fate that is never clearly defined will befall them. So, with their lives hanging in the balance, they form an uneasy alliance to figure everything out. Meanwhile, there is a team of deadly killers known as “the surgeons” who look like businessmen wearing surgical masks and act like ninjas who pop up from time to time for little apparent reason. As Tommy and Bucky scour the city looking for clues, the bodies start piling up, and the yawns star mounting as each minute drags on endlessly.

Hardrock is one of those films that is nearly impossible to adequately review without getting to the point where you’re likely to hurt the feelings of people involved in the production. That’s to say that the film is terrible. The writing and direction are bad. The acting is bad. The poorly-applied make-up does nothing to cover the bad complexion of the actors. Do you see where I’m going with this? The only two positive things to say about the movie are that character actor Michael Wright gives the best performance in this turkey (which makes everyone else just look that much worse), and there is a brief nude scene featuring a nice pair of melons (that I suspect are augmented). But it is important to emphasize that neither Wright nor the two possibly phony fun bags are enough to warrant watching Hardrock. Even if you could watch this movie at no cost, it would still waste time that could be better spent poking yourself in the eye with a stick, as well as wasting the precious battery power it takes to engage the fast forward button on the remote control for your DVD player. I want my fucking 79-minutes back!!!!



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