Anal Sex Approved by Federal Government

The FCC (Federal Communications Commission), a branch of the federal government, has leveled a fine against ABC for a scene in an episode of NYPD Blue in which a woman’s butt was shown in all of its naked glory (see the frame grabs below). In a statement released by the FCC this past Friday the purveyors of moral decency on the airwaves had this to say: “We find that the programming at issue is within the scope of our indecency definition because it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs — specifically an adult woman’s buttocks. Although ABC argues, without citing any authority, that the buttocks are not a sexual organ, we reject this argument, which runs counter to both case law and common sense.”

dvd review: EYE IN THE SKY

There is no denying the tremendous impact Hong Kong filmmaking has had on American cinema, especially in the action and crime genres. The classic martial arts films that came out of Shaw Brothers Studios in the 1970s, as well as John Woo’s The Killer and Hard Boiled were seminal in changing the way films all over the world were made, and the influence of these films can be seen in everything from The Matrix to Kill Bill and beyond. Even The Departed, the film that finally earned Martin Scorsese his much-deserved Oscar, was a remake of the HK classic Infernal Affairs. But just as American filmmakers have taken much from Asian filmmakers, so to have Asian directors gleaned much from the Western contemporaries, which is evidenced by recent films like Nai-Hoi Yau’s Eye in the Sky.

Double Feature Mayhem: RAMBO and CLOVERFIELD

In my left coat pocket there was a Ziploc baggie full of low-fat pretzels and a protein bar, in my right coat pocket was a 20 oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper, and etched in my mind was the steely resolution to do something I hadn’t done in nearly ten years—sneak into the movies. For years I was notorious for buying a ticket to see one movie, and then sneaking in to see at least one more film (although in some cases I would sneak into two more). Sneaking into the movies requires, among other things, crackerjack timing, pockets full of smuggled-in snacks, and a flagrant disregard for the staid conventions that govern this society (and being a cheap-ass motherfucker also helps)—all of which helped in my coming out of retirement as a “theater hopper.” So, it was over the past weekend that I set out to dust off my stealth hopping skills and watch two movies for the price of one—Rambo and Cloverfield.

Heath Ledger

There is nothing clever or witty to be said about the death of actor Heath Ledger, who was found yesterday, dead at the age of 28, from what appears to be an overdose of sleeping pills. Ledger was best known for his role in Brokeback Mountain, and was on the verge of superstar status, courtesy of his much-anticipated performance as the Joker in this summer’s Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins. But none of that really matters when compared to his role as a father of a two-year old daughter.Even with it free us cellular ringtones for cell phones.

dvd review: CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO

If you have ever been to Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, most likely you’ve noticed the bizarre freakshow of celebrity impersonators and pop culture icons that parade up and down the street, posing for pictures with tourists, and accepting tips as their sole means of income. On any given day you’re likely to see an Elvis Presley impersonator, maybe one or two Marilyn Monroes, and a whole bevy of people dressed as cartoon and comic book characters, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Hulk. But exactly who are these people that make their money, depending on who you ask, as either street performers or panhandlers? What could possible motivate someone to stand around in a foam rubber Hulk outfit in the blazing sun? Are these people quirky eccentrics, or are they human train wrecks dressed in brightly colored costumes?

dvd review: Dolph Lundgren's MISSIONARY MAN

Do you remember the first time Dolph Lundgren really made an impression on you in a film? Most likely it was in Rocky IV. And even though he was co-starring as the evil sumbitch who killed Apollo Creed, if you were a guy, you probably thought to yourself, “Wow, now that’s a man”—in a very non-homoerotic way, or course. And then you thought, “Man, this guy has got what it takes to be a kickass action hero.” Then came Red Scorpion, and you thought, “Maybe I spoke too soon.” But then came Universal Soldier, and you thought, “See, I knew this guy had something in him.” But then came everything after that, leading up to Missionary Man, and all you could do is sit there with your head in your hands and mumble, “Dolph, why do you keep letting me down this way?”

Dream vs. Reality

Originally, I hadn’t planned on writing anything to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr. Day, because I wrote something last week on his actual birthday. But I’ve been reading a fair amount about him lately, his legacy, and the current state of race relations in this country. Many people have interesting things to say, and interesting points of view. But since none of them are David Walker, there is nothing they have to say that is all that important. Which is why I am humbly submitting a few things that I would like to offer up for consideration.

Jumper Cables, Eddie Murphy & the Myth of Masculinity

I was headed out the door this morning when one of my neighbors asked me to help jump start her car. I was quick to tell her that I didn’t have any jumper cables—which I didn’t—that I was sorry I couldn’t help, and hoped that would be the end of that. “Oh, that’s okay,” she said, “I have some cables.” And just like that, I was faced with one of those moments that I have dreaded for twenty years, ever since I got my first car at age 19—using jumper cables to charge a battery.

Happy Birthday, Dr. King.

If Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. were alive, January 15^th would have been his 79^th birthday. Like many people, I often think of how much he helped change this country, and I wonder what things would be like if had not been assassinated in 1968. I would like to think that maybe this country would be a slightly better place than it is now, but I can’t be sure. And to spend too much time dwelling on what might have been, instead of how things are, is not very healthy. So, I will just be thankful for all that he and millions of other people did, just so I could have a chance to live a life with some sort of equality.

My Mother Is A Crazy Bitch…But I Love Her Anyway

The strange looking white woman in the picture above is my mom, Bonnie Walker. Recently, I wrote a piece entitled “How My Mother Screwed Me Up,” and a fair number of people have responded—a few by posting comments, others by sending me private emails. One person in particular posted a rather long-winded comment that I wrestled with actually approving. Now, I don’t want to knock the person who sent the comment, because she may be a great person. But in reading her response to what I wrote on my site, several things became very clear. First, she don’t know me. Second, she ain’t read most of my other writing (if any at all), and clearly does not understand my sense of humor. Third, she don’t know my mother, or anything about my relationship with my mother, other than what she read and what she assumed. Rather than completely dismiss her, and not post her comment, I’m using it as an opportunity to express my views on many things, including my mom, my feelings on motherhood, masculinity, and all sorts of other shit that is sure to get panties all bunched up. Read on at your own discretion.