dvd review: KILTRO

It would seem that in the nation of Chile audiences are so hungry for some home-grown action movies that they will devour anything—and appreciatively so. Seriously, just look at the comments left on IMDB for the Chilean kung fu epic, Kiltro, and you’ll be reading feedback from people who are clearly impressed by pictures that move. And that’s not to bad mouth Chile as a nation, or Chileans as a people; but Kiltro sucked and anyone who likes this movie is easily impressed to the point that someone needs to be worried about them.

I’m not going to waste anyone’s time with a review of this film, if for no other reason than I only made it about half way through before I decided to fast forward through the rest. Of course, I just did the same thing with Death Toll, and some people have commented on how I should give these movies more of a chance. My response: “Fuck that.” If, after 30 or 40 minutes flicks like Kiltro and Death Toll can’t have the common decency to be even mildly entertaining, or at least give me enough sex, nudity and violence to keep me distracted, then these craptacular piles of cinematic trash aren’t worth another moment of my wasted time.

So, if for some reason you feel compelled to watch Kiltro, and you’re not from the fine nation of Chile, or you have actually seen a motion picture, please know that this film offers something between “jack” and “shit” in terms of even the most maudlin of entertainment. It sucks in the beginning, sucks in the middle, and even sucks while you’re fast-forwarding through it. Do yourself a favor and watch Gymkata instead.

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