9 Random Thoughts About Palin (because she doesn't deserve 10)

So much stuff has been written about Sarah Palin the last few days, that I don’t really think I have much more to add to the mix. Okay…that’s bullshit, I have a lot to say, but I’m too tired to write that much. That said, here are some random thoughts about the whole situation.

1. Bristol Palin, the 17 year-old daughter of Sarah is knocked up by her 18 year-old boyfriend, Levi Johnston. I could be wrong, but I believe that legally Johnston is guilty of statutory rape. He should be in jail, instead the GOP has him cavorting on stage at the convention. Translation: The GOP supports statutory rape.

2. Palin and other members of the GOP say her family should be left out of the media scrutiny surrounding her campaign, yet both keep parading her children in front of the cameras. You can’t have it either way, you hypocrites.

3. With five kids to call their own, it is a safe bet that Sarah and Todd Palin’s preferred form of birth control is keeping their fingers crossed, and perhaps Todd pulling out once in a while and frosting Sarah’s jugs with his man-goop.

4. I find it troubling not only that Bristol Palin is named Bristol, but also that even though she is not old enough to vote for her mother, she is knocked up by a self-proclaimed Alaskan redneck.

5. If elected, Sarah Plain would be the President of the Senate (that’s one of the Vice President’s jobs, which Palin apparently didn’t know). Palin would be presiding over the Senate, and no matter what anyone will admit, people would be thinking, “Who are you to say anything? Your teenage daughter got knocked up by an Alaskan redneck before she was old enough to vote for you!” Of course, some members of Senate will also be wondering what Palin looks like naked, but when all is said and done, that too is not the sort thing that will give her credibility as a leader.

6. Palin’s husband must be an ineffective bitch of a man, because if I had a daughter, every swinging cock in Alaska and the lower 48 would be afraid of holding her hand, let alone shooting a load up inside of her. I would sit down with every suitor, a loaded gun in one hand and a box of rubbers in the other. “You think about having sex with my daughter, and I’m likely to use this gun on you,” I would tell any boys who tried to date my daughter. Then I would toss them the box of condoms and say, “But I know what it’s like to be a horny teenager, so here are these condoms, in case you don’t heed my wishes to keep away from daughter. However, if you do touch her, and she gets pregnant, I’ll kill you and your entire family.” Then I would pistol-whip him just so he knows that I mean business.

7. McCain picked Palin because he wants to fuck her (that’s Theory #1).

8. McCain picked Palin as part of his grand scheme to lose the election. He is secretly a diehard liberal who feels this country has become too conservative. He is doing everything he can to secretly throw the fight (that’s Theory #2).

9. In junior high I was Student Body President, and in high school I was Senior Class President. That means I have held elected office longer than Palin has been governor of Alaska.

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