New Article on MSN

Ever wonder why Will Smith never gets the girl in his action movies? Check out my latest article on MSN.


One Response to “New Article on MSN”

  1. Chris Walsh Says:

    That got me thinking:

    Will Smith getting the anonymous non-big-part girl at the start of “Wild Wild West” — while, of course, not getting Salma Freakin’ Hayek — is wrapped up in the weird, not-thought-out sexuality in “Wild Wild West.” Yeah, he’s about to sleep with someone hot and wet and willing, but it isn’t consummated, he gets dumped naked in front of bad guys (and doesn’t seem too broken up about the sexus interruptus!) and proceeds to get none for the rest of the flick. That flick is loaded with sexual imagery, often so-called “alternative” sexuality (usually played for laughs: “hah, he has to dress in drag but only ’cause of his mission! Hah, they have to touch each other’s fake boobs but only to test how real they feel, but M. Emmett Walsh thinks they’re getting it on!” Grumble grumble), but the only character who seems to enjoy the sex stuff is the crazed f’ing villain Loveless…the only one who DEFINITELY HAS NO GENITALS. So the villain overcompensates: his harem-like group of hot henchwomen, plus that converted train-made-into-a-weapon that basically looks like a giant dildo. A dildo that shoots out spinning blades that almost decaptate the heroes. I thought about how f’ed-up that image is and decided “It’s like a penis that shoots death!” HOW MESSED UP THIS THAT? It’s one of the things that drove me mad about the film. And the flick has to explain at the last minute that Smith didn’t get Hayek ’cause she’s already married. That’s one damn unsexy marriage, I’m telling you. So there’s sexuality-inspired stuff, and none of it’s fun. Sex and sexuality should be fun, damnit.

    Sweet yodeling Jesus, I’ve thought too much about “Wild Wild West.” Help.

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