Fatal Revenge (a.k.a. The Not-So Secret Shame of David Walker)

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Once upon a time, back in the summer of 1988, my good friend JR Pella gave me a call and said, “Hey, my dad knows these guys who are making a kung-fu movie. We should go audition.” Well, because JR and I were both young and stupid back then, we thought it would be a great idea to audition for this movie neither of us knew a thing about. Amazingly, or perhaps shockingly, or perhaps just plain ridiculously, we were both cast (the picture above is me in character, and the one below is JR in character). Keep in mind, neither of us had been in a movie before. We didn’t even have headshots (I think I drew a picture of myself as a goof). And I think that I can speak not only for myself as well as JR when I say that even though we were cast in the film, we both sucked.

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By now, you all probably have a million questions. So, let’s start by answering the one I know everyone is asking: Yes, that really is my hair. Keep in mind this was 1988. Prince was really popular back then, and I was big into Prince, as well as Jesse Johnson, the guitar player for The Time. This was my attempt at having hair like them. About a week after I finished filming my part in the film (Fatal Revenge is the title by the way), I braided this ugly mess, and shortly after that I let the braids turn into dreadlocks.

Anyway, the next question everyone is probably asking has to do with the movie itself. Well, to put it as simply and politely as possible, it sucked. It sucked really badly. I was (thankfully) cast in a small but (not really) pivotal role as Jose Sanchez, a nefarious drug dealer. When I auditioned for the part, I was only asked to read three or four lines, which I did in my best Cheech Marin impersonation. After I was cast, and given a copy of the script to read, something struck me as odd about the character. JR read his script, and I asked him, “Does something seem weird to you about Sanchez?”

“I think he’s supposed to be gay,” said JR. And low and behold, he was right. Not only had I been cast as a Mexican drug dealer, I was cast as a gay Mexican drug dealer. I didn’t really care. To me, it was all one big joke. Perhaps the funniest part of the joke was that they needed me to come back in and redo all of my dialog, but by then I was living in New York, so they got someone else to do my voice. So…yes, that really is my hair, but no…that it is not my real voice.

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I only had three scenes in the film. My big scene came more than half way through, when the film’s main villain, Gene Carlton, betrays me in a drug deal (above). I play it very cool and queer, and then I whip out my shot gun, but unfortunately I miss (with a shotgun?!?!), and I get blown away. Below are images from that classic scene.

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While I had been cast in fairly small role, JR was cast in a larger supporting role as Guido, the dimwitted nephew/henchman of the main villain.

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JR was in quite a bit of the movie (primarily as comedic relief, although the entire film is full of laughs…unintentional though they may be). Guido’s big action scene comes near the end, when he tries to kill the hero of the picture with a rocket launcher. There is a hilarious story about the filming of this scene, and how JR almost killed the crew with the rocket launcher, but I’ll let him tell it. At the end of the movie, the only bad guy left alive is Guido, who is driving the taxi cab that the heroes are in. This was clearly some sort of set up for a sequel that thankfully never came.

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Fatal Revenge is terrible. As a professional film critic who has seen thousands upon thousands of movies, I can say that it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it comes close. Thankfully, it was never released in the United States. Here is a promotional reel that I recently stumbled across. It pretty much condenses the entire movie into about five minutes, making it far more entertaining than it is in it’s full length version. And even at five minutes, it sucks ass. Please keep in mind that while this is my real hair, it is not my real voice. Enjoy (if you can).

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2 Responses to “Fatal Revenge (a.k.a. The Not-So Secret Shame of David Walker)”

  1. GeekintheCity Says:

    Holy sweet zombie Jebus. Dave, I simply must watch this film. If only to see how you act like a gay Mexican… Although I don’t think my flaming Latino brothers grimmace that much, too busy making sure their hairnets match their chonies. GOLD!

  2. Shaw Scope Says:

    This looks AMAZING. And I don’t mean in some kind of ironic way. I have to see this movie.

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