Archive for April, 2010

"Pruneface" Brewer and the Arizona Gestapo

April 26, 2010

Amazingly, people keep asking me what I think about Arizona’s new immigration law. Come on. Really? How could anyone possibly wonder where I stand on a law that by it’s very nature promotes racist and prejudicial attitudes? What could I possibly think of the Governor Jan Brewer, the wrinkly-faced slag that signed the bill into law?

Honestly, the attitude of Brewer, Arizona residents and United States citizens that support this type of law enforcement of illegal immigration brings me some sense of comfort. I know that may sound strange to some, but I prefer to know who my enemies are on sight. “Pruneface” Brewer and the rest of the goose-stepping Americans that support this sort of slap-you-in-the-face-and-fuck-you-in-the-ass racism make it that much easier to know who is who and what is what. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support Arizona or this new law, and if Brewer was on fire, I wouldn’t diarrhea on her to put it out. But I prefer my ignorant, racist scumbags like Brewer and the rest of her Arizona Gestapo to be out in the open. That said, this law needs to be repealed, and America needs to come up with a better way to police illegal immigration, instead of a policy that is only a few steps away from concentration camps and gas chambers. Perhaps we could start with enforcing laws and penalizing the American citizens that employ illegal laborers?

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The Life and Death of a Film Critic

April 22, 2010

Today was one of those pivotal days. In most ways, it was just like most days. I got up, had breakfast, ran some errands, met a friend for lunch, and contemplated my survival and the meaning of my existence while being ever cognizant of the looming cloud of failure that from time to time blocks out the sunshine of hope in my life. So yeah, today was pretty typical. The one exception being that today I got an email telling me I could not attend an upcoming press screening of a movie I planned to review. (more…)

R.I.P. – Keith Elam a.k.a. Guru

April 20, 2010

The death of Guru, the phenomenally talented rapper of Gang Starr, at the age of 43, is a reminder of how short life is. Although cancer took him at an early age, he has left his mark. Will the same be said of you when your time comes? Live life as if there is no tomorrow.

The LEGEND of SNOW DOGS

April 19, 2010

I’ve never stopped to add up all the film reviews that I have written over the years, but it is well into the thousands. I’ve written reviews that people loved, and reviews that people have hated. I’ve written reviews that have gotten me laid, and reviews that have gotten me into fights. The NAACP once boycotted the newspaper I worked at, claiming I was a racist, until the discovered I was black, and then they simply boycotted the paper because I was an asshole. Die-hard feminists once claimed that I was in favor of rape because I wrote a negative review of a Sandra Bullock movie. And of course there have been the death threats (seriously), which only came after I wrote negative reviews of the most recent Star Wars movies and Tyler Perry’s films. But of all the things I’ve written, none has been commented on more than my review of Snow Dogs, the family comedy starring Cuba Gooding Jr. (more…)

film review: KICK-ASS (and DEFENDOR)

April 15, 2010

When I stop and think about it, I never actually thought the day would come when there would be a movie called Kick-Ass that would be opened in wide release, with advertising campaigns across multiple media platforms flashing the words “kick” and “ass” for the entire world to see. And along those same lines, I never thought I would live to see a movie quite like Kick-Ass, a balls-out violent epic about a teenager who dresses up like a superhero to fight crime. Seriously, you need to keep in mind that when I was a kid, we were constantly inundated with those urban legends about other kids who broke their necks jumping off roofs so they could fly like Superman or setting themselves on fire like the Human Torch. Hell, rumor had it that the animated Fantastic Four series in the 1970s replaced the Human Torch with H.E.R.B.I.E. the Robot because of fear more impressionable kids would try to flame on. Even though this wasn’t true, the very notion that Human Torch was left out of the animated Fantastic Four series because some idiot kid might douse himself with lighter fluid and then flick a Bic was insulting, because me and my friends weren’t that stupid, and shouldn’t have been made to suffer. We didn’t want a wisecracking robot, we wanted superheroes that kicked ass. We wanted something like Kick-Ass. (more…)

New T-shirt Now on Sale!!!

April 12, 2010

It’s been a long time since we’ve rolled out a new t-shirt design, but we’ve got a great one you’ll love. This kickass new design is available exclusively from Rotten Cotton for the low price of $14.99.  Click HERE to order. While you’re on the site, check out all the other shirts they have available. Rotten Cotton has the best selection of t-shirts, period,

Why the iPad Can Never Replace Magazines

April 9, 2010

The new iPad is out, and I have to admit, it’s kind of cool. But at the same time, even though it may well serve to be the harbinger of extinction for for print media, I have to say that the iPad kinda/sorta sucks. Sure you can all sorts of cool things with it, and just because it can replace books and magazines in some ways, it can’t in others. Case in point…watch this video, and then tell me you could this with your iPad.

The Blaxploitation Star Wars, Part 2

April 9, 2010

Okay, people have been emailing me ever since I posted the first part of that documentary I was interviewed for. Everyone wants to know if there really was a blaxploitation version of Star Wars. The answer to that questions is that I do not know. There is, however, very interesting evidence to indicate that it is within the realm of possibility. I know, it sounds ridiculous.  But the more investigation that I do, the more weird little facts keep turning up. I’m currently writing a longer article about how all this information came my way, and the investigative process. In the meantime, go to the Lando Is The Man website for updates regarding the documentary.

dvd review – BITCH SLAP

April 6, 2010

With a title like Bitch Slap, and a trio of hot-lit, buxotic and all-around bonerific babes in the lead, you would think there’s no way you could go wrong with this modern bit of sexploitation. And if you thought that why, you’d be absolutely wrong, because Bitch Slap is a film that fails on so many levels it almost fails completely. Starting with the easy-on-the-eyes leading ladies (Julia Voth, Erin Cummings and America Olivo) who never take their clothes off, to a lamebrain script that isn’t nearly as funny as it thinks it is, what we have here is a film that is a train wreck of disappointment and ineptitude. Best known for their work on television series like Hercules and Xena, director Rick Jacobson and producer Gruendemann have collaborated on their first script (and boy, does it ever show). The fact that neither has written a screenplay is painfully apparent in his wannabe clever tale of three women looking for a hidden treasure, while chaos and destruction rains down around them. Sure, it might sound entertaining, but it isn’t. One of the biggest problems with the film is that it wants to be funny and sexy, but it is neither, leaving only the action sequences, photography, editing and lead actresses to make the film remotely interesting. Unfortunately, anything positive the film has to offer doesn’t amount to enough to make it actually watchable. I mean come one on, there isn’t even any nudity (unless you count the five-second shot of some random stripper in one scene—which I don’t). Do yourself a favor and skip Bitch Slap altogether, and simply watch some classic Russ Meyer movies instead (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens is my personal favorite).

Tyler Perry article on MSN

April 3, 2010

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Tyler Perry’s new movie, Why Did I Get Married Too? opened this weekend (and no surprise, it did well at the box office). Here is the link to an article that I wrote in 2008 about Tyler Perry for MSN. Click HERE to read it.