dvd review – BITCH SLAP

With a title like Bitch Slap, and a trio of hot-lit, buxotic and all-around bonerific babes in the lead, you would think there’s no way you could go wrong with this modern bit of sexploitation. And if you thought that why, you’d be absolutely wrong, because Bitch Slap is a film that fails on so many levels it almost fails completely. Starting with the easy-on-the-eyes leading ladies (Julia Voth, Erin Cummings and America Olivo) who never take their clothes off, to a lamebrain script that isn’t nearly as funny as it thinks it is, what we have here is a film that is a train wreck of disappointment and ineptitude. Best known for their work on television series like Hercules and Xena, director Rick Jacobson and producer Gruendemann have collaborated on their first script (and boy, does it ever show). The fact that neither has written a screenplay is painfully apparent in his wannabe clever tale of three women looking for a hidden treasure, while chaos and destruction rains down around them. Sure, it might sound entertaining, but it isn’t. One of the biggest problems with the film is that it wants to be funny and sexy, but it is neither, leaving only the action sequences, photography, editing and lead actresses to make the film remotely interesting. Unfortunately, anything positive the film has to offer doesn’t amount to enough to make it actually watchable. I mean come one on, there isn’t even any nudity (unless you count the five-second shot of some random stripper in one scene—which I don’t). Do yourself a favor and skip Bitch Slap altogether, and simply watch some classic Russ Meyer movies instead (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens is my personal favorite).

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